The Searcher

The Searcher

(Vocation story of

Sr. Maria Asela B. Chavez, FMA)

As the song of the former band After Image goes: “What has life to offer me, when I grow old? What’s there beyond sleep, eat, work in this cruel life? So I sing this song to all of my age For these are the questions we’ve got to face For in this cycle that we called life We are the ones who are next in life…we are next in line… This song may already sound “jologs” to some of you because it’s already “a thing of the past”. But mind you, this song has made me reflect again and again years way back when I was trying to decipher the essence of my life… It never dawned on me that I will be a nun… Nahh…Never… Not even in my wildest imaginations…Nay more, to be an FMA, a Salesian nun…I am not even a Past Pupil since I grew up with the Dominican Sisters in San Felipe Neri Parochial School in Mandaluyong City from Kinder to High School…but it is always the Lord and our Lady who always paved the way for me. I had my own dreams and plans in life. Plans that are fruits of “my own will”. I planned to work abroad (where my relatives are), to be successful in my career, to have my own family and we will live happily ever after. (Well, just like in fairytales.) I repeat “My Own Plan”. I never sought God’s plan then. But it was He who made known His plan for me in the way I have never imagined it to be. I remember that I was in my third year PT proper when I was trying to search for my life’s meaning. I can feel that deep “hunger” within…a thirst for something which I cannot explain…I often catch myself having a self-confrontation like “after being successful in your career, what then? Will you be happy with it, honestly speaking?” That same night, I had a dream where I saw myself lying on bed, asleep. But when I tried to take a closer look, my body seems to be pale and lifeless…I can’t understand what does it mean… At an instant, I heard a very familiar biblical passage: What profits a man if he gains the whole world but lose his soul…” I immediately woke up, quite puzzled at what that dream meant. After that instance, I never thought of it anymore. I went on with my usual daily hectic schedule in school, still with a “void” in my heart. That time, I was already serving in our parish (St. Dominic Savio Parish) as a Legionary. We had weekly meetings, prayed the rosary together, do some apostolates like visiting houses and doing parish census, bringing kids to Sunday mass and catechesis. Some fellow youth even teased me for doing so since we’re quite few in the group and not in the front line like them. But I just shrugged my shoulders with their comments convinced that I am doing these for God and Our Lady. In spite of what I’m doing, I still want to devote more time for the Lord and so I joined other parish organizations like CALL (Commentators’ and Lectors’ League), Savioletin (parish newsletter) as well as the Association of the Salesian Cooperators. There was this feeling that I don’t want to be separated from the Lord anymore and the thought of being away from Him if ever I will be working abroad was already a source of torment for me. During those times, I was so attracted to Don Bosco, his great love to the Lord, to our Lady and to the young. I was then so envious of my younger brother who would frequent the DBYC (Don Bosco Youth Center) as a rondalla member, serving in the Sunday mass, their daily afternoon gatherings and games, their summer leadership trainings, and the like. To the point that I have told myself “How I wish I were a boy…” (Don’t get me wrong here…because during those times, only boys are allowed to join the DBYC)…It was also during these times that I was already getting closer to the Lord and our Lady by regularly participating in the daily parish Mass with my parents who are also serving in the Mass (my mother being the Lector/ Commentator and my Father as the Special Minister of the Holy Eucharist), praying the rosary (as we often do as a family since childhood), attending regularly the weekly Bible studies in the parish (with my parents), and other prayer encounters organized by our parish. (Well, you see, my parents are also instrumental in the realization of my vocation since it is because of them that I was introduced to God in prayer since childhood. It affirms that the FAMILY IS REALLY THE SEEDBED OF VOCATION.) Let’s go back to what I am saying. Come 1995. The very memorable World Youth Day. I had the joy of being part of the Parish Core Group who prepared my fellow youth for the up-coming World Youth Day, of being part of the SAY ’95 (Salesian Asian Youth) and of course the much-awaited World Youth day where we had the joy of being with our Holy Father, Pope John Paul II. Not to mention the Youth Encounter which we had after. These were really intense days of prayer and reflection for me when I truly felt that I was called in the religious life. I really took into my heart the challenge of our Holy Father “As the Father sent me, so I sent you…” Nobody knew about my plans to become a Religious since nobody will believe me especially my relatives who knew me as a “sutil” (stubborn). I remember my uncle who once told me “Ikaw? Magmamadre? Yang sutil mong yan??” But our God is always a God of second chances. Year 1995 is also significant since it was the year when I get to know the FMA’s. It was our Parish Vicar, Fr. Cris, who was then the chaplain of Don Bosco School, who informed me about the VOE’s (Vocation Orientation Encounter) that the FMAs are holding every week. After serving in the 7 AM Sunday mass, I would usually go straight to DBS for the VOE. It was actually a top secret. Nobody knew that I was attending VOE for fear that they will just tease me. To cut the story short, I entered the convent a year after my graduation. It was not easy to leave one’s family. Their loving presence has been my security for years. I keep telling myself that if I will get married, I will surely leave my family and be with my own family. My journey in the Religious Life was not a bed of roses. There were ups and downs along the way. The Cross is Inevitable. My top secret? It is my personal and loving relationship with God and Our Lady that sustained me. It is truly the Lord and our Lady who have held me by the hand through the years. This is the main reason why I am still here in the Convent as an FMA since it’s in this atmosphere of prayer that I have really felt their great love and care for me just like the little sheep placed on the shoulders of the Good Shepherd (a love that is so gentle and personal). Thanks to our frequent and fervent reception of the Sacraments (Holy Eucharist and Confession), daily adoration, daily meditation, Stop Over with the Lord, Spiritual Readings especially that of the saints, our love for Mary as shown in our devotions to her through the rosary and novena, prayerful silence in the Community, and the love of my co-sisters in the community. It is this great conviction that I am deeply loved as God’s Beloved Child which spurs me to continue moving on in my FMA vocational journey with much love and faith (notwithstanding my personal shortcomings and weaknesses), enabling me to live my community life and apostolic mission in the best way that I can.

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